Fell sick. Physically, mentally & emotionally.
Close friends will know how weak I am since young, problems all over my body starting with loose joints, prone to injuries. Then puberty comes, leads to mild anemia, low blood pressure. All these problems can't be cure totally, sad.
Slowly stress came followed by depression, many sleepless nights, never fail I cried everynight before I sleep, how I wish I'm prescribe with sleeping pills. Not because I like to think that much, its because too many unhappy things had happen almost everyday, I couldn't control my thinking neither I can control my tears.
Basically, I'm totally sick & tired of my life.
I'm so lonely, maybe I should learn how to lead a life that there is me & only me.
I'm so damn tired of my relationship, with or without him makes no difference from being single. My instinct told me that there is someone "guiding" him, that's why there's such a drastic & unacceptable change. Though I still hope things will change for the better, but seems like hope is getting slimmer & slimmer. Disappointing rite? Will either one give up? Or just take it as nothing happen & drag on? Is this the life I want? I'm lost of direction.
Somehow.... Everything is drifting further & further from me, finally I've lost the sense of feel. Mind is blank, heart breaks again, disappointed again & again & again, why is this happening AGAIN? Maybe 1 day I might just lost my heart also.
Sometimes I wonder what will my last day be like? Will I be happy? What will I last see? Where will I last be?
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Message for him:
(I know he won't be reading but still I hope he remembers & read this.)
"I thought U have brought be confident & happiness to me, but why U have such a sudden change that makes me so upset. Now U've thrown both away, are U doing it on purpose? So U think what U doing is right? Have U ever thought of my feelings when U do things? I don't remember U are that selfish.
Don't tell me its stress, who ain't stress, I'm also stress. Stress is not the reason, its just a stupid excuses that maybe other gals out there might believe but not me.
U know how long since we chatted on phone? 18 days! U said U're busy, ok fine, but 24/7 busy? Busy till U can't pick up your phone to ring or text me? A simple 'Good Morning' & ' Good Night' so difficult to type? C'mon this is the least a girlfriend would expect her boyfriend should do. Seriously, I hope that U'll change your this attitude of yours, its totally unacceptable. Else, I don't know what will happen to us. I'm already lost of words, lost of way because of U.
This is the most tiring relationship out of the 3, I'm totally wear out. Even the worst guy meets the simplest & least expectation. Tell me, are U really ready to commit?"
