So many ding-dong stuff had happen & some which anticipate that might happen. Jobless, pressure by parents, too many things in mind (which some I don't even know what are those) which causes my mood to swing like shit, and now my own boyfriend thinks that I'm seeing "another guy". Seriously, I need sometime alone, undisturbed, think of What's Next. Yea that's my problem, I can't really handle it now, too much stuff to consider. Sometimes, somehow I find that single life is much more easy, I no need to consider what my boyfriend think when I'm out with friends, no need to consider factors like no time for him if I taking this job offer or if I'm going for further studies I no need to think that "Oh god, I'm going for my 2nd degree/Masters & he's just a Poly graduate."
Kinda lost, am I comparing him with other guy friends? On whether qualifications, character, looks, whatsoever? Are my expectations too high for him to achieve? Or am I just selfish?
Out in the streets, saw couples holding hands, hugging each other, kissing each other when bidding goodbye makes me feel like crying, as if I've already broken up with him. *Knock knock* what am I thinking? Even when I'm with my friends, physically I'm there but my mind just flew away. Had a feel of guilt, guilty of hurting him these few days / weeks for ignoring him, throwing temper at him, saw his sms I just throw my phone on my bed without replying, as if I'm driving him out of my life. F*** I don't know what I'm thinking.
